Hmmmnnn....how 'bout we change that title to "The vacation from Hell but we had fun 2009"? I have never laughed so hard in my life! Ever have one of those vacations where everything you do is a disaster? Y'all have to hear this one.
In the past 4 years, our little family has survived cancer, major surgery, living apart for a year and moving. 3 of these are in the top ten list of major stressors in Americans. It just goes to show that we live this way all the time and don't know any better!
So after surviving the biggies, we decide that, now we are all under one roof, we are going to go on a vacation. Yes, a vacation that we can relax, fish, sit around a campfire, have people wait on us....oops! my fantasy was getting a little carried away there! :) Anyway, you get picture, we planned to relax and have fun.
I booked a campsite in the beautiful Big South Fork National Forest for the first 2 days of our trip. Beautiful gorges, scenic overlooks, pristine running waters, etc. We get to our site and start to put up our pop-up camper. We had some problems with it previously and had it fixed so we thought everything was hunky-dory. Denny cranked that dude up and then it started coming back down. Something in the ratchet thingy was broken.
"Get me that tool", said Denny,waving his hand in the general direction of the picnic table. Anybody who knows me knows that I have a sincere, sweating phobia over tool boxes. My dad was a carpenter before he retired....an impatient carpenter. When you are 10 years old, and some brawny, red-faced guy is screaming for a 9/16 socket wrench, it is scary. Invariably, I would hand him a screw driver which really heated things up. After a while, whenever Dad would ask for a tool, I would break out in a cold sweat, life would flash before my eyes and all I could hear was, "blah, blah, blah". Things never really worked out with that, you know?
Back to Denny and his tool request. It is hotter than hell. He's hanging out under the camper and all I hear is "blah, blah, blah". Flash forward 30+ years and things are still not moving along very well. It was finally decided, to my immense relief, that Denny wasn't going to be able to fix anything anytime soon. Therefore, we did what any self-respecting redneck would do and used clothesline to tie the crank to the bumper of the camper to hold it up. Whew, doggies!
All of us are wringing wet with sweat, wanting something cold to drink. It was decided we needed to go get ice. Denny and Dan jumped in the SUV, turned on the key, and heard....nothing! The dang thing was deader than a wedge. Denny jumps out and heads off on foot to find a park ranger to give us a jump. 30 minutes later the boys were on the road to Wally World to get ice and a battery.
When they got back, we had a nice dinner. I slaved over heating it up in the microwave! Thank goodness I had one ready made meal or I'm afraid we would have been eating Doritos and licorice whips for dinner. Mmmmmnnnn!
With full bellies and faces full of flies, we sit down in front of our campfire. How relaxing! Swat...swat....you couldn't hardly talk because the dog pecker gnats (affectionately named that courtesy of my dad. Even after all these years, I still don't know what they really are) were so thick. We turned in for the night. Ah...yes....fluffy soft blankets and the cool breeze of the A/C lulled us to sleep.
Until 2 a.m, when I hear, "Pop". Then the nice cool A/C bites the dust and all the electric in the whole park is taken out by a huge storm. Can we open our windows? No... it is raining cats and dogs. That camper got so hot we were roasting like hotdogs at a girl scout jamboree. It was a long night.
The next morning, we wake up bleary eyed and sweaty looking. Carpe diem! Seize the day! Denny fried up the eggs and bacon. We celebrated the fact that everything worked and tasted great!
Due to the storm, the river was flooded so no fishing. We decided to see some of the gorges and scenic overlooks. Can you believe that everything we went to see had a "CLOSED"sign on it? We laughed until we lost our breath. How does this happen? You are OUTSIDE! How can it be CLOSED? I started taking pictures of CLOSED signs. I know I will laugh in the years to come when I see them.
After 2 days of more fun than we could stand, we packed up camp and headed to Pidgeon Forge. We were going to camp at the base of the Smoky Mountains. Surely they can't close the Smoky Mountains!
We get to the campsite, which is 3 feet from the river, and do our crank-n-clothesline routine. After we got everything settled, I realized something major. This campground did not supply fire pits! Everything I had needed to be grilled. When the going gets tough, the tough eat sandwiches.
The boys actually got to fish since we were right on the river. There were a couple of cute little ducks. It was really nice. UNTIL, we brought out the bread for the sandwiches. Suddenly, the ducks sprouted teeth, got really loud and 30 more showed up! Our trailer pad got full of duck poop and feathered thugs. They were still there in the morning. It's not funny!
We ate cereal and got the heck out of there. Loaded up our cooler with drinks, ( and what else?) and sandwiches. The Smoky Mountains were open, thank goodness! We had a wonderful day!
The next morning we broke camp (or should I say "clothesline"?) and headed home. We were glad to pull in to our driveway...only to notice the shelter over the truck collapsed and we had to report the damage to our insurance company!
You heard the funny story now I can think of some positives for this vacation.
1. We were all together in the same state at the same time.
2. We saw a lot of beautiful sights in our new home state.
3. We developed 6 pack abs from laughing so much!
We hope you enjoy any vacations you may take this summer. However, I hope your trip is not as "funny" as ours!
In the past 4 years, our little family has survived cancer, major surgery, living apart for a year and moving. 3 of these are in the top ten list of major stressors in Americans. It just goes to show that we live this way all the time and don't know any better!
So after surviving the biggies, we decide that, now we are all under one roof, we are going to go on a vacation. Yes, a vacation that we can relax, fish, sit around a campfire, have people wait on us....oops! my fantasy was getting a little carried away there! :) Anyway, you get picture, we planned to relax and have fun.
I booked a campsite in the beautiful Big South Fork National Forest for the first 2 days of our trip. Beautiful gorges, scenic overlooks, pristine running waters, etc. We get to our site and start to put up our pop-up camper. We had some problems with it previously and had it fixed so we thought everything was hunky-dory. Denny cranked that dude up and then it started coming back down. Something in the ratchet thingy was broken.
"Get me that tool", said Denny,waving his hand in the general direction of the picnic table. Anybody who knows me knows that I have a sincere, sweating phobia over tool boxes. My dad was a carpenter before he retired....an impatient carpenter. When you are 10 years old, and some brawny, red-faced guy is screaming for a 9/16 socket wrench, it is scary. Invariably, I would hand him a screw driver which really heated things up. After a while, whenever Dad would ask for a tool, I would break out in a cold sweat, life would flash before my eyes and all I could hear was, "blah, blah, blah". Things never really worked out with that, you know?
Back to Denny and his tool request. It is hotter than hell. He's hanging out under the camper and all I hear is "blah, blah, blah". Flash forward 30+ years and things are still not moving along very well. It was finally decided, to my immense relief, that Denny wasn't going to be able to fix anything anytime soon. Therefore, we did what any self-respecting redneck would do and used clothesline to tie the crank to the bumper of the camper to hold it up. Whew, doggies!
All of us are wringing wet with sweat, wanting something cold to drink. It was decided we needed to go get ice. Denny and Dan jumped in the SUV, turned on the key, and heard....nothing! The dang thing was deader than a wedge. Denny jumps out and heads off on foot to find a park ranger to give us a jump. 30 minutes later the boys were on the road to Wally World to get ice and a battery.
When they got back, we had a nice dinner. I slaved over heating it up in the microwave! Thank goodness I had one ready made meal or I'm afraid we would have been eating Doritos and licorice whips for dinner. Mmmmmnnnn!
With full bellies and faces full of flies, we sit down in front of our campfire. How relaxing! Swat...swat....you couldn't hardly talk because the dog pecker gnats (affectionately named that courtesy of my dad. Even after all these years, I still don't know what they really are) were so thick. We turned in for the night. Ah...yes....fluffy soft blankets and the cool breeze of the A/C lulled us to sleep.
Until 2 a.m, when I hear, "Pop". Then the nice cool A/C bites the dust and all the electric in the whole park is taken out by a huge storm. Can we open our windows? No... it is raining cats and dogs. That camper got so hot we were roasting like hotdogs at a girl scout jamboree. It was a long night.
The next morning, we wake up bleary eyed and sweaty looking. Carpe diem! Seize the day! Denny fried up the eggs and bacon. We celebrated the fact that everything worked and tasted great!
Due to the storm, the river was flooded so no fishing. We decided to see some of the gorges and scenic overlooks. Can you believe that everything we went to see had a "CLOSED"sign on it? We laughed until we lost our breath. How does this happen? You are OUTSIDE! How can it be CLOSED? I started taking pictures of CLOSED signs. I know I will laugh in the years to come when I see them.
After 2 days of more fun than we could stand, we packed up camp and headed to Pidgeon Forge. We were going to camp at the base of the Smoky Mountains. Surely they can't close the Smoky Mountains!
We get to the campsite, which is 3 feet from the river, and do our crank-n-clothesline routine. After we got everything settled, I realized something major. This campground did not supply fire pits! Everything I had needed to be grilled. When the going gets tough, the tough eat sandwiches.
The boys actually got to fish since we were right on the river. There were a couple of cute little ducks. It was really nice. UNTIL, we brought out the bread for the sandwiches. Suddenly, the ducks sprouted teeth, got really loud and 30 more showed up! Our trailer pad got full of duck poop and feathered thugs. They were still there in the morning. It's not funny!
We ate cereal and got the heck out of there. Loaded up our cooler with drinks, ( and what else?) and sandwiches. The Smoky Mountains were open, thank goodness! We had a wonderful day!
The next morning we broke camp (or should I say "clothesline"?) and headed home. We were glad to pull in to our driveway...only to notice the shelter over the truck collapsed and we had to report the damage to our insurance company!
You heard the funny story now I can think of some positives for this vacation.
1. We were all together in the same state at the same time.
2. We saw a lot of beautiful sights in our new home state.
3. We developed 6 pack abs from laughing so much!
We hope you enjoy any vacations you may take this summer. However, I hope your trip is not as "funny" as ours!
6 comments:
Hey southerner cousin,
Love the post I laughed as hard the second time around. Hope you guys have a great 4th of July. We are looking forward to it, day off and good times with friends. It was great to see you guys and reconnect, I hope we can get to Nashville in the near future. If not we have blogs. Shelly
Hi Deb...et al, What a great "vacation!" Kinda reminds me of the time we camped out at a Woodruff Party at your farm; even though we had a tent, cots, and sleeping bags it was soooo cold we couldn't wait until morning came--so cold we couldn't keep Jake (our Siberian Husky) outa our bed! Hey, we still had loads of fun. Like every vacation/camp-out has gobs of miscues yet when you are all together positives out weight the negatives. Hope to get over your way before too long. Harvey
Hey Harvey,
I remember that farm party! It was bitter cold. Rick Derby took all the little kids on a snipe hunt. Priceless!
Oh, My God! I remember that snipe hunt. Oh, those poor kids! We laughed for days about the snipe hunt.
I never stop laughing at that story! I think that is about the 10th time I have read it! I didn't know you had so much fun with the ducks- you left that out the first time you told me! I am still in awwh over the scenic places closed- You will only find that in TENNESSEE! I think you might be related to the Grizzwolds?!
Jodee, Hon,
We have to concentrate on getting you some better reading material if you have to read this ole thing 10 times!
Post a Comment